That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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