Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize