we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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