I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
