I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
