I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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