Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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