I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
operation harelip BJ is a go
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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