my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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