do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you win again, gameday.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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