You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize