i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
