i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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