Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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