Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
