Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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