You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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