so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
