their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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