You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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