I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize