Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
