Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Randomize