last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
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