Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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