Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
