Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
