What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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