I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
