The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
