After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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