Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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