.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm sobbing to NWA
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
