Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
