I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
