I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
