dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
