he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
