Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
