he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
