Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
