Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
