oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
