Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
