if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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