sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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