im six kinds of drunk right now
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
