I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
