thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
