Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
ttyl tear gas
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize