Having a random hookup so left but love u
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
