I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
