Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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