I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
