we have pet lesbian snakes
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
