yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
