Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
