went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
