Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
