I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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