I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize