Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
