my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
