I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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