Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
