Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
