I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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