So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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