I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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