If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
