Barsexuality is the new black.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
